I just got finished reading a really good book called “Finding Noel”. My mom read it and suggested to me that I read it as well. This book is about Angels in your life. People who are there when you need them the most. This has gotten me to think of all the angels in my life. Two angels that are consistently in my life are my mom and dad. They are true examples of what amazing parents are. I am extremely lucky to have them in my life and to be their daughter. They are both the foundation to my life. They were there for me every day when I was so scared and having panic attacks. Their unconditional love has shaped me to who I am today.
Through the dark period of my life, my mom told me about a priest that she and her best friend Maureen went to years ago. He was a known miracle healer, Father Rookey. I am a very spiritual person, so at this moment in my life I turned to God. I started praying Father Rookey’s miracle prayer every night. In the meantime, I also looked up healers and stumbled upon a woman named Bernadette Godfrey. She did bioenergy work. I decided to make an appointment and go. I ended up loving it. The first time there I told her about my anxiety and what I was going through. I also mentioned the prayer and the priest. I was so taken back when she said that she had known him. She also had some holy water that was blessed by him with her. She let me take some. At that moment, I knew it wasn’t a coincidence. This woman was meant to come into my life and help me heal. I continued going to her for months and her healing methods combined with praying Father Rookey’s miracle prayer helped me get out of the dark hole I was in. Now that was not the end of it. During the time I was praying this prayer, I also became agoraphobic and didn’t want to leave my house for fear of another panic attack. One night, my mom and dad were going out with their best friends and said I should come along. I decided that was a good idea and went with them. At the restaurant with them was their priest friend from Ireland. I ended up sitting next to him and talking to him throughout the dinner. I told him about my panic attacks and low and behold he told me he was also a counselor and knew all to well about anxiety. His words touched my heart, I will never forget it. He told me he would put me at the top of his prayer list and that right there made me believe in Angels even more. I left that restaurant with hope. Hope that I will fight through what I was going through and that there was a light at the end of the tunnel.
It still was all so weird to me how these people came into my life. From the prayer, Father Rooney ( who had passed away a few years ago), Bernadette Godfrey the bioenergy healer and then the counselor priest. What gave me the chills were how all three were connected. The priest was from Ireland, Bernadette was also from Ireland and Fr. Rookey served in Ireland. Wow, just wow! I now have a whole new love for Ireland. These angels came into my life for a reason. I started my healing process to happiness again. One last angel that came into my life was my pup Benji. I will touch on him in another blog. All of this happened for a reason. My angels helped me to heal and enjoy life again. I am so blessed.
Wow, there is so much to say about this word. Recently, I find myself playing “kill a word” by Eric Church non-stop lately. If I could kill one word, that word would be anxiety. ANXIETY, what is it? Where does it come from? Who is affected by it? Why does it happen? So many questions I have asked myself over the years. My earliest memory of having anxiety was maybe when I was around 10. We were at our family friends summer home and it was a very hot day. They only had a window air conditioner in one room so we all hung out in that room. I remember having a hard time breathing. It was like someone was sitting on my chest and I was gasping for air. I started to panic. I believe that was also my first panic attack. My mom had to calm me down and tell me everything was going to be okay. Shortly later I was better again. Not too many panic attacks happened after that for many years. I do recall having lots of anxiety. I realized part of the reason I was a shy kid is because I was anxious. When I entered a room, I would always immediately feel everyone judging me. As a kid, I was always observing rather than talking. I always felt a little different, but I wasn’t exactly sure why. Through life experiences, I am no longer that shy girl anymore but I still experience anxiety. I have accepted that it will always be a part of me. The good thing is that I get to choose whether it takes over my life or not. I choose to live a happy and fulfilling life without letting it get the best of me. A little over a year ago, I seemed to have hit rock bottom with my anxiety and panic attacks. Just when you think it’s gone, it creeps back up on you and takes over your life. At the time, I was dealing with the loss of my dog Bella and a hard breakup with someone I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with. I was just over 30 years old and I thought my life was going to get better, instead it all was falling apart in front of me. I am someone who holds things in for a while and then when I can’t take it anymore it just all comes out. Well, that is what happened. I had ONE BIG HUGE panic attack. Well, at least I thought it was because I was convinced that was it for me, I was dying. When my family rest assured to me that I was not dying I calmed down but was still in a state of shock. Now, I know what a panic attack feels like, but this was different. Why was it lingering? Why do I not feel like myself? Why is it not getting better? Well, after that I had another panic attack and another. These panic attacks continued day after day. I didn’t want to leave my house. I didn’t think I would ever be the same again. I literally thought I was losing my god damn mind! I told my parents right away that I wanted help, because that’s what hypochondriacs do is they get help right away. Haha. Anyway, they were extremely supportive and helped me through this extremely dark time in my life. I was diagnosed with panic disorder and generalized anxiety disorder. I learned so much about myself and the way my brain works. I am a survivor. I didn’t let anxiety take control of my life. I took anxiety by the neck and said get out! Now it still comes knocking on my door time to time, but I have learned to not let it in. I have learned the tools to let it be. The moment you take control, it seems to disappear. That’s exactly what I did, I took control back in my life.
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